We asked that clever artificial intelligence ChatGPT to write a Doctor Who script for us to perform with Caroline and Seonaid on episode 118 of the podcast. It came up with this cracking story titled ‘Fish & Chips and Robot Apocalypse’.
EXT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – DAY
Liam and Rob, hosts of the Cloister Bell Podcast, are wandering around the abandoned warehouse looking for any clues about the Doctor’s disappearance.
LIAM (into microphone) Greetings, fellow Whovians! We’re here at an abandoned warehouse, looking for any signs of the Doctor. As you can see, it’s quite deserted and creepy. Just like my dating life.
ROB (laughs) Come on, Liam. We need to focus.
As they continue to search, they hear a noise and turn to see their old Scottish friends Seonaid and Caroline from the ‘My Adventure In Space And Time’ Podcast.
SEONAID (excitedly) Liam! Rob! It’s so good to see you guys! What are you doing here?
CAROLINE (nervously) Yes, we were investigating the same thing. Have you found anything yet?
ROB (shrugs) Not yet, but we’re working on it.
LIAM (to Seonaid) So, how’s life in Scotland treating you?
SEONAID (awkwardly) Oh, you know. It’s cold, rainy, and everyone’s always drunk.
LIAM (laughs) Sounds like my kind of place.
Suddenly, they hear a loud banging noise and turn to see a group of Daleks approaching.
ROB (panicking) Oh no, Daleks! What do we do?
SEONAID (bravely) Leave it to me.
Seonaid pulls out a Sonic Screwdriver and starts to hack into the Daleks’ system.
CAROLINE (nervously) Is that even legal?
SEONAID (confidently) Don’t worry, I’m a professional.
After a few tense moments, Seonaid manages to reprogram the Daleks to be peaceful and friendly.
ROB (amazed) How did you do that?
SEONAID (smiling) It’s all in the wrist action.
LIAM (jokingly) I’ll bet it is.
The group celebrates their victory over the Daleks.
CAROLINE (fussy) Well, I think we should report this to the authorities.
SEONAID (awkwardly) Actually, I was thinking we could just go get some fish and chips. My treat?
ROB (grinning) Sounds like a plan to me.
LIAM (excitedly) Count me in!
The group walks off, laughing and joking.
The group is sitting in a cozy fish and chips shop, chatting and enjoying their meal.
LIAM (to Seonaid) So, how did you become such a skilled hacker?
SEONAID (embarrassed) Well, it’s a long story. Let’s just say I had to learn some survival skills when I got lost on an alien planet.
CAROLINE (interjecting) And I’m the one who had to rescue her!
SEONAID (defensive) Hey, I can take care of myself.
ROB (amused) I think we all know who the real hero is here.
Suddenly, the shop starts to shake and the lights flicker.
LIAM (excitedly) This must be it! The Doctor must be back!
ROB (worried) Or it could be something much worse.
SEONAID (determined) Either way, we have to investigate.
The group rushes out of the shop and sees a giant robot attacking the city.
CAROLINE (nervously) Oh my goodness, what is that thing?
ROB (bravely) I don’t know, but we have to stop it.
LIAM (jokingly) I hope it’s not allergic to fish and chips.
SEONAID (serious) We need a plan. Any ideas?
ROB (thoughtfully) I think we need to find a way to shut it down from the inside.
CAROLINE (worried) But how do we get inside?
LIAM (jokingly) I’ll distract it with some witty banter, and you guys can sneak in.
SEONAID (smiling) That might just work.
The group splits up, with Liam distracting the robot with his quick wit while the others sneak inside. They manage to reach the control room and Seonaid uses her Sonic Screwdriver to shut down the robot.
ROB (amazed) How did you do that?
SEONAID (smiling) I told you, it’s all in the wrist action.
CAROLINE (fussy) Well, I think we should still report this to the authorities.
LIAM (jokingly) I think we should celebrate with some more fish and chips!
The group laughs and heads back to the shop for another round of fish and chips.
As the group finishes their second round of fish and chips, they hear a familiar sound.
ROB (excitedly) Is that…the TARDIS?
SEONAID (smiling) It must be!
The TARDIS materializes in front of them and the door opens, revealing the Doctor.
DOCTOR (grinning) Hello, my dear companions! Did you miss me?
LIAM (jokingly) Nah, we had fish and chips to keep us busy.
DOCTOR (amused) I see. Well, I’m glad you all managed to save the day without me.
SEONAID (proudly) We make a pretty good team, don’t you think?
DOCTOR (nodding) You certainly do. I’m lucky to have such capable friends.
CAROLINE (fussy) Well, we should probably get going. We still have a lot to report and discuss.
ROB (smiling) Yes, but we should do this again soon. It was a lot of fun.
LIAM (jokingly) Next time, I hope we get to fight some more robots.
The group says their goodbyes and heads off in different directions, ready for their next adventure.
Wasn’t that great? I bet you can’t wait for their next epic adventure! You can listen to our full performance of this story on our review of The End of the World.